This Move Is Made Of Fail

I will be so angry if this happens:

Cubs Ready to Sign Jim Edmonds

I have a visceral anti-Edmonds reaction, and I know I'm not alone among Cubs fans. For me, it's not about his frosted tips (something which I will admit to having done myself). It's about the fact that he is more identified with the St. Louis Cardinals than just about any player in the last decade.

But even that, in and of itself, wouldn't make this a bad signing. Believe me, if the Cubs traded for Albert Pujols, I would have no problem rooting for him. No, the problem is that not only is Jim Edmonds Mr. Cardinal, he also sucks. He just got put on waivers by the Padres, who are currently the worst team in baseball. The Padres are hitting .233 as a team, and they decided they didn't want Edmonds any more, that they'd rather take their chances with Scott Hairston and Jody Gerut in center. Edmonds is about to turn 39 and is in the middle of his fourth-straight season of declining production. He's hitting 178/265/233 (yes, he's slugging .233!). Why send Felix Pie back to the minors to take a flyer on an aging veteran who might, but might not, regain his stroke?

Several years ago there was chatter about the Cubs acquiring Chipper Fucking Jones. Now there are few players in baseball I dislike more than Chipper Fucking Jones. In fact, there might not be any player in baseball I dislike more than Chipper Fucking Jones. But when the possibility of Chipper Fucking Jones becoming a Cub was raised, I was upset at first but was ultimately OK with it because it seemed pretty clear that he would have helped the Cubs.

If Jim Edmonds was still getting on base at a .360+ clip and hitting 20-30 homers, I would be happy to see him in a Cubs uniform. After all, I'm a Cubs fan, and anything that makes the Cubs better makes me happy. But this isn't going to make the Cubs better; it's going to make them worse, at the expense of one of their young prospects, and in order to endure this worsening we're all going to have to put up with Jim Edmonds in a Cubs uniform.

DO NOT WANT.